Simon

Am I Glad Simon Has Arrived

Since Simon arrived life has been as dandy as fucking dandelions. It couldn't be better. Seriously it couldn't. Life is a dream with him here. A dream. With flowers and a trail of dead bodies coming all the way from the Rwandan genocide in 1994. 

He sits around like he's got something to prove. Giving me funny looks. Him giving me funny looks? I wonder if he realises that he is in MY house, on MY property. And that Alex, is MY daughter. He even wore my suit. The suit I wore when I collected MY award. He may as well take my car keys, my money, credit card, oh he needs his own fucking set of keys doesn't he. How could I forget.

He's probably fucking her. He's probably fucking Aids into her. I bet he's got Aids. I can guarantee he has. They both force me out of my own home. He sits where I used to, has the conversations with Alex I used to. He's replaced me, within my own home. Forcing me to go and get stoned with Jackie.    

She Needs To Know

I Need To Tell Her...

I need to tell her. She will find out. Fuck knows what happens when she does. If only she could understand, the ammount of pressure I was under. I wasn't thinking straight. I needed the photo. The people needed the photo, they needed to know the horror of Rwandan Genecide...
Its not my fault, something had to be done about the hell hole that had once been Rwanda. I saw the boy. I saw him look me in the eye, like I was some sort of white god standing in front of him. He saw me take the picture. Set up the picture. He saw me look him in the eye, and walk away. He saw me take his sister, and leave him behind for the Tutsi.

I don't know what came over me. I try to tell myself I didnt see him, I was too scared to. But was I too scared to wait 3 minutes for Alex to wake up and start crying, too scared to wait for her to crawl across a heap of dead bodies, too scared to know that this boy that I left behind could potentially tell the world of what I have done to get this photograph. Too scared. Thats sums me up pretty well now-a-days. Too scared. Too scared to go outside, to stop hiding, to face the music. 

Guilt

I Feel So Empty

Everyday, all day, all I do is just. Nothing. I don't go outside, I don't do anything with my life. Just order luxury fucking cheeses from the internet. 

Its like I'm afraid. To even go outside. Like I'm hiding from the world. And I block it all out by jamming my brain with useless, meaningless thoughts about duck sperm, cheese and weddings. 

I feel so guilty about what I've done. I made my living, my name from war, death and tragedy. My picture with Alex. On the bodies. I made that happen, that was me. I placed her on the dead foundations of her people. That photo is a lie, and so am I. My reputation, my fame. My work. Probably why I crowd my brain with wasteful thinking, and filling my body with fat carrying cheeses, and oatcakes. Sub-consciously committing suicide.  

Alex

I'm So Proud

I can't believe how beautiful and independent by daughter has become. She is so intelligent, so funny and just amazing. She even got into kings, kings! Can you believe it? We always knew she do well and look at her now. After all she has been through. Even after the loss of my wife, her mother. She still excels at, well everything. 

She will be coming home soon. For summer break. I speak to her every week Friday, usually at 6pm. I can't wait to see her. Hear all her good news. I know she will do amazing things. Whatever they are I'm sure they will be amazing.

Luxury Cheeses, For Your Easiness!

Luxury Cheeses, For Your Easiness!

There is not a single day when I don't think the internet is AMAZING! I found this wonderful Luxury cheeses website. They deliver. I have been eating a great deal of fromange as of late, it has given me an expert taste of extravagant cheeses! Jackie from number ten got fertilised duck eggs off the internet, isnt that extraordinary? You can buy fertilised duck eggs, on the internet and have them delivered to your doorstep!
Her Bichon Frieze was watching when they hatched and the first thing they saw was her dog.  They think a dog is their mother, a dog!  The ducklings even get into bed with the thing. Imagine that: ducklings sleeping with a Bichon Frieze! 

You can even get  sperm, you know? From the internet. for some dykes or ugly women who can't get a fuck. To keep it all swimmy its delivered on a motorbike. You can find anything on the internet if you look hard enough. That is some serious twenty first century evolution, I think.