Guilt

I Feel So Empty

Everyday, all day, all I do is just. Nothing. I don't go outside, I don't do anything with my life. Just order luxury fucking cheeses from the internet. 

Its like I'm afraid. To even go outside. Like I'm hiding from the world. And I block it all out by jamming my brain with useless, meaningless thoughts about duck sperm, cheese and weddings. 

I feel so guilty about what I've done. I made my living, my name from war, death and tragedy. My picture with Alex. On the bodies. I made that happen, that was me. I placed her on the dead foundations of her people. That photo is a lie, and so am I. My reputation, my fame. My work. Probably why I crowd my brain with wasteful thinking, and filling my body with fat carrying cheeses, and oatcakes. Sub-consciously committing suicide.